Sunday, April 26, 2009

Guilt trip

So, I sat down to blog tonight (My apologies if anyone really missed my ramblings) without any real direction. It was going to be a post just to catch you all up on what's going on in our world. Chaselyn starting rice cereal (video to be posted soon), Chaselyn's first picnic (pictures to be posted soon), and a great Dia del Oso (all of these pictures/video are on our new video camera, which is in Stanton's office, I'll try to remember to take the transfer cord tomorrow) is basically what we've been doing. All of this was going to be primarily a pictorial, and I don't have the pictures to put in, but I figured I could go ahead and set things up so that pictures could be easily inserted to make an interesting post. But before I could even finish the second sentence, inspiration hit me. Well, actually, Chaselyn's noises turned from happy and playful to sad and bothered. As I sat in the recliner with my laptop in hand, Stanton stood in the same room with a plan to start working out (not actually put into action yet). Guess who went to get Chaselyn out of her exersaucer? To be fair, he did ask her if she was hungry and then looked in my general direction, since I am generally the food source. But since we started her on cereal, it was about the time for her cereal meal, which he could do all on his own.

I got a little perturbed as you might be able to tell. But it wasn't just that. It was compounded by the fact that during the last feeding time, Chaselyn got hungry right as I got my food on my plate, and at lunch guess who was holding a bottle while her pasta got cold. I am convinced that Chaselyn has been ready for real food for a couple of months. Every time she smells hot food, she immediately gets hungry. It's like a sixth sense. And I know it's not actually all the time, but when it happens repeatedly in the same day, it wears on you. And then I feel guilty for being bothered by taking care of such a sweet angel. (And on the side, this is why I really doubt my abilities to be a stay-at-home mom) But as long as I get a chance to hold her when she's being sweet and calm and happy, I'm usually fixed.

Sometimes it's harder than I want it to be. Sometimes its not so much hard, but frustrating. And I get that guilty feeling when I get frustrated or upset. And I hate it. But I try, and that's all I can do. But now, it's late and I just got my sweet baby in bed. I'm listening to her kick around as she falls asleep.

Good night everyone! Pictures will be posted tomorrow, one way or another.

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