On the other hand...

So, another Monday came and passed with another lively discussion at life group among the girlies. Again along the lines of wanting to stay at home instead of being at a seemingly pointless job. And then on the way home, I thought about it from a different perspective...

Could it be possible that we are just destined to be discontent. I mean as much as I think I want to be a stay-at -home mom, I also think about what that means as far as diminished grown-up interactions, increased patience levels, and a need to be more creative. Let's reduce the scale down a bit. The thought came to me after one of the LG members showed us her new Chi after some comments on her hair. Another confessed that the Chi had changed her life when she got it a few years ago. This tool that made curly or unweildy hair straight and manageable was a method to get to another "greener pasture". Another example, my sister and I constantly have discussions on how we grew up different because of the 9 year gap between us. One of the biggest differences - birthday cakes. We (my brothers and me) always had homemade cakes. Mom worked very hard to make them look pretty and she was quite gifted. Confectionary versions of ET, Smurfs, Strawberry Shortcake, and more of our favorite characters were made using shaped cake pans and some artistic license by my mom. But by the time my sister came around, mom had gone back to work so there was more money, and so Rachel got store bought cakes. We argue over the merits of each. She complains that mom never spent the time to make her cakes, I rebut about the tastiness and upgrade in variety of decoration (no offense mom) provided by the store bought cakes.

All this leads me to my point. I still believe that women are wired to be care takers. No question. But how we take care of people is up for interpretation. And this open-endedness of how we serve our family is what is driving me crazy. Will I always want things to be different? While right now I feel drawn to be at home with Chaselyn, after trying that out for a few months will I be at the same whining point of not being content with the path I chose? Will I be longing to exercise my mind on the same level that I have been over the past few years during my academic trials? I've seen my own discontentment in my life before many times. Oh I can't wait to go to college...

OK, now I'm in college, now I want to be married...

Done, now if I could just have a dog...

Well hello there little Holly!...Our dog is great, but now I think its time for kids...

Oh Chaselyn, you're amazing...Now all we need is a 3-br house with a yard and then I'll be totally content...

This is where we are in the never-ending cycle now. No matter what, I always want more. And I hate it. I don't dwell on the things I don't have too much. Well I don't dwell on them anymore. There was a period of time where I asked Stanton everyday when we were going to get married, and then another period of time where at least once a day I would ask Stanton "Guess what!" and he would reply "You want a dog" and I would give a big smile. But I have become generally content with where we are in our lives right now. Mainly because life is pretty great!

Ultimately, I try to let God take care of things, but that doesn't mean I don't sit around over analyzing things. And just because I may follow what I believe God is telling me to do, that doesn't mean I will necessarily be at peace with the decision 100% of the time (believe me God and I have had many conversations about the necessity of living His will in Waco). So, will I always think the grass is greener on the other side or just for a while be fully content in what I'm doing and where I am. I pray that I find peace when I am where God wants me to be.