Monday, October 5, 2009


You know that feeling when you know exactly where you want to be and there's no way you can get there? I really want to be at my parent's house right now. I want to be snuggled up on the couch watching and tending the fire, talking with mom while she cooks a delicious dinner. Making fun of my siblings, watching Chaselyn and the niblings, and waiting for dad to get home to go play on the farm. That's where I want to be now, home. In my comfort zone, in the place where my responsibility is lessened and the love is felt, though not spoken. The place where I'm made fun of for being me, but knowing at the same time they wouldn't really want me to be any other way. The place where I'm not trying to live up to something. The place where I know they're so proud of me. The place where I'm not just Chaselyn's mommy, though I may not be the primary TX resident any more.

I can't wait for the holidays. I CAN'T WAIT! Because it means so much to me to go home and be with my family. Traditions that have grown over many years that I've come to rely on. And now, we get to start new traditions with Chaselyn. We had Thanksgiving and Christmas last year, but it was so new, and she didn't remember. (I know that 1 year olds don't remember much either, but she's more active now, she can actually do something and we can take pictures.)

I think what makes it worse is the fact that we're actually having some fall weather here in TX. It's been rainy and cool. Football is in full swing. It's just time to head for the hills and soak up all the atmosphere. I need it. I miss it.

But I'll be going back for a short visit soon enough, and a HUGE bonus is coming back - my MOM!! She's going to stay with us for a week while my dad goes on his annual hunting trip. That should help me get through until November. As long as I don't think about the fact that none of our family will be around for Chaselyn's actual birthday. Like I said, we just won't think or talk about that.

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