27 weeks

So, as of Valentine's day, I'm 27 weeks along. That means there's only 13 weeks until our little bun is fully baked. And for some reason, I have this feeling like little Jacob Logan isn't going to stay in there that long. I feel like he's going to make an early appearance. Which I know is possibly setting myself up for a huge burden of sitting and waiting as I watch May 16 go by on the calendar. But I feel like he's going to be here for me by Mother's day. All that to say, that means it could be less than 13 weeks before we have 2 kids! WHOA! That's only like 3 months. And as we prepare for a new baby, it's so different than the first time around.

When I was pregnant with Chaselyn, everything was so new and neither one of us knew really what to expect. I was a little bit more comfortable with what it takes to care for a baby than Stanton was I think. I have a sister who's 9.5 years younger than me. I remember all the crying and the diapers and the messy food and bottles and all that. Granted I was only 9 when she was born, so I wasn't responsible for too much, but I had an idea. Stanton hadn't been exposed to many babies and especially not for an extended period of time. Which if you don't really know much about babies, I can see how trying to grasp the whole idea is a little overwhelming. And unfortunately, I think I often misunderstood his lack of ability to grasp the idea of baby as a fear of being able to manage a baby or just a lack of excitement. But I now realize that Stanton was just being Stanton and trying to figure it all out. It wasn't that he wasn't excited. He just didn't really know what to be excited about.

And I thought I had a bit of an idea of what to expect once our little bundle of joy arrived had no idea what the whole pregnancy and birthing process would be. You never know the awe and wonder of God until you can feel the baby he is forming in your body. The little flutters that grow into little hiccups that grow into little kicks and punches that grow into being able to feel exactly where Chaselyn was externally because she was running out of room internally. Such amazing feelings that motherhood brings. And I was blessed to have a fantastic pregnancy. I didn't get sick, I didn't have a lot of swelling, I was actually able to enjoy about 97% of my pregnancy. Some time was taken off for the time when my belly was getting big and all we had to sit on at home was a futon (ladies, if you are pregnant or plan to be someday, I strongly suggest investing in a recliner). And a little time taken out for exhaustion and some for frustration from not being able to bend over. But I'm seriously one of those happy pregnant ladies that doesn't have a whole lot of bad things to say about the trials of pregnancy. The only thing I had to worry about really was how the wonderfulness that I could feel growing inside was going to transverse into the world and become the wonderfulness I was anticipating growing outside. Yep, the birthing process. How was I, the girl afraid of needles who gets nauseated at the thought of blood and passes out at the sight of it going to make it through childbirth? First things first, I have a very high pain tolerance. I have a very low needle tolerance. Therefore, an epidural was not something that I ever really even gave a second thought. I would much rather feel the pain than dread the idea of that big long obtrusive needle being shoved into my back. Even typing it out now makes me a little queasy. But I wasn't quite sure enough of my abilities to go au naturale. So the compromise, IV drugs. Which necessitates an IV. A needle that stays in your arm. Was that really the most logical choice? I don't know, but I was surprisingly at ease about it. And it worked well. We took childbirth classes and they talked about all the different options. My goal was to have an IV and not see any blood. If we could manage that, I think I would be alright. Not seeing any blood included not seeing Chaselyn until she had her preliminary cleaning. And that was ok. I would rather see my beautiful little girl sans ick. But when it all went down, there was a different doctor there and Chaselyn popped out and she was placed right on my belly. And she was beautiful, ick and all! And I cried and it was amazing.

And now, we've been through it all once. Stanton is so much more visably excited, because he now knows what to expect. He knows what a Daddy is. And instead of having to worry about what a baby is like, he's able to just rest and get excited about the tremendous blessing that is coming. And he just seems a bit more relaxed. He has an idea of what to expect and he remembers all the amazing things Chaselyn has brought to our little world. He's genuinely excited. But for me, I still feel similar to the last time around. I still just stand amazed at all the little flutters and bumps in my tummy and I love it. And I daydream about the little person that Jacob will be. Based on the inspiration for his name, Jacob from the Bible was quite a little handfull, and I'm afraid our little Jacob might be the same. So I'm trying to prepare for this new child and being very aware that he will not be just like Chaselyn. And I still worry about the birthing process. Even though I've been through it once, I know that things aren't going to be just the same. And because my first experience was so nice, I get a little afraid that if this time is going to be different, it can only be different in a bad way.

Besides that, the amount of stuff we need this time around is DRAMATICALLY reduced. We have a lot of the little things and the big things. We only need things that don't translate between boys and girls (clothes), things to accommodate two children (double stroller hopefully the one from my niblings works), and disposables (diapers). I've started registries online. But the problem with these is that most of the things I've put on there are available online only. And I've put a lot of stuff on there that we don't necessarily need. It just looked neat online. And when I go to the store, besides clothes, we already have it. And, since we're planning for Jacob to be in our room for the first 6 months, we don't even have to decide on room decor yet. Although, pretty much we're going to take off the flowery bumper and put something more boyish on there. Other than that we have to take down all the personalized Chaselyn stuff and get Jacob stuff. The multi-color, stuffed animal decor with red furniture still works for baby boy just as good as it did for baby girl. That was not a mistake. So I've actually been more worried about picking out some bedding for Chaselyn and thinking about her transition to a big girl bed and another room. All that to say, I could register for a lot of STUFF, but if Jacob came tomorrow, we would have to stop by the store and get some diapers, but we'd be alright.