Orphans

Well, it's come to that time in our lives, where we are really ready to find our own home. We were more than encouraged to do so by our seemingly ever shrinking apartment. And not discouraged, but not intensely encouraged by our parents to start really putting down some roots in Waco. But, we've put it off for so long, it just feels like God is saying "This is where you need to be ... just deal with it and everything will be much better." So, we are.

There is a lot (more than a lot actually, more like a ton) of thoughts and emotions and stresses that have come up since we've made this decision. First of all buying a house in Waco, generally means we believe we're going to be here for a while. And we are pretty certain. Like I said, ever since the idea of going for my doctorate at Baylor came up in the early months of 2006, Stanton and I have both been able to recognize that this is where we're supposed to be. But, I thought that we were coming here for some graduate degrees. We finished those up in December. And now we still don't know when we're leaving. It's been a battle in my heart for a while. I long to go back to family and friends in AR. But, we've been able to get plugged in to a church here in Waco and made friends here that we would miss too. I sometimes hate that I'm down here and I can't see my niblings grow up. Madison was just born when we moved down here. And in less than 2 weeks, she'll turn three. And I know it's a strain for our family not to get to see as much of Chaselyn as they would like. I think I've said this before, but my family is a quality time love language family. We aren't very verbal. We don't talk on the phone very much. The best way we connect is to just be together. Cook-outs at mom & dad's, Razorback tailgates, and other extended family gatherings are where we get to spend time. And I miss it.

But like I said, we've branched out and become more of our own little family now. And our family needs a home. Even if it means reluctantly admitting that we're going to be here for a while. Today at lunch Stanton and I realized that we are homeless when I blurted out that I wanted to go home. Neither of us really knew what I meant. I wanted to leave work is what I really wanted, but since we started the house search, our apartment definitely doesn't feel like a home. And we feel so removed from Arkansas now, we can't really call it home either. So "going home" isn't really something we can do.

And already there is stress over all this housing stuff. What can we afford? How much do we want to afford? How long do we want to stay in this house? Is it worth the money to pay for the neighborhood feel? Unfortunately, we made the mistake of looking at a few houses that were really out of our price range. I fell in love with one of them. And had to accept that after looking at our budget, the money just wasn't there. I'm glad that we are smart enough to realize that is too much before we get in over our heads, but I do hate to let that house go. We are very fortunate that we both like similar houses, so there is some stress reduction there. But when it comes to making the big official decision, it's going to be crazy.

I would appreciate any words of encouragement and prayers sent in our direction for making wise choices. We need a home, not just a place to live.