Monday, September 13, 2010

I love my life!

I am so thankful to be able to take on my two part time jobs. It is absotively, posilutely the the best thing for me. I can't imagine a better situation. First, I get to stay home with my kids 5 days out of the week. How lucky am I?! I get to see Chaselyn grow every day. Right now her vocabulary is expanding. And I get to be around her enough to know her language. We have some rough spots, but generally I cna figure out what she's saying and once I figure out a word, I become the Chaselyn whisperer. No one else undrstands her better than I do. And I don't think I would be able to say that confidently if I was working 5 days a week. And Jacob, well, this little man is just a cutie. He talks and coos and gurgles. And by being at home, the two of them get to build a bond that just wouldn't happen if they were in daycare 8-5 everyday. They see each other. They interact. Chaselyn learns what it means to be careful and I have two extra little hands to pick up paci's, get diapers, an love on Jacob.

And although most of the time it's a down right love fest around here, sometimes the two of them gang up on me. They drive me close to the edge, but reprieve is not far away, because just around the corner I have a job to go to. I get to shape the minds of young people. I get to interact with adults. I have a few hours of not being the sole source of food, cleanliness, and entertainment for two little ones for a while. I even get to sneak in a few minutes for myself and usually a quiet lunch with Stanton on my work days.

I can tell it's just the right balance. I feel amazingly blessed at how the whole situation has worked out. It's just incredible.

Now, as rosy as it all sounds, there's still plenty of areas to improve upon. First, I haven't fully grasped how to take care of the kids and get the house cleaned up. I keep on top of the basics with Stanton's help, but it's a far cry from the picture perfect house I have in my head. I try not to beat myself up too much, but it is something I'm working on. Second, my body is in desperate need of some shaping up. Jacob is now over 4 months old. I had a remarkable feeling last week when I got my pre-pregnancy jeans back on. But, they don't fit like they used to. I have a bit of a belly bulge, which is very unlike my usual body shape. Up until recently I always felt that my belly area was one of my better features, but right now, I don't have that. And so I feel kind of down on my body as a whole. Third, I need to be a better teacher. I need to be more on top of things for my class. I need to find some extra material to really draw them in and make them see why Statistics really can be important for them. Fourth, I need to be more on top of my parenting game. Stanton and I have started to realize that if you wait until a situation arises to figure out how you'll deal with it, it's too late. Chaselyn is starting to figure things out. She knows "no" and she knows that sometimes she can press to figure out if it's a "no" or really a "NO!" It also seems that potty training may be around the corner. Do you have any idea how many different approaches there are? Fifth, I need to be a better wife. Stanton is an amazing man. He does so much for me and his kids. It was different when we were both at work. For some reason being home without him makes it seem like we're away from each other more. And I've become way more sensitive to him working overtime. It's not fair to hm to be hard on him. I know he wants to be home just as much as I want him to be here. But he's fortunate enough to have a job that he loves and finds great reward in. I shouldn't take anything from that. Sixth, I need to be a better friend. Both to my friends that have moved on and to my family. I just get so caught up in the everyday that I forget to check-in on people until I get in bed at around 11 o'clock at night. Nobody wants to get a call from me then, so I just lose touch. Seventh, I need to be a better Christian. I thought that being a stay at home mom would mean it would be easy for me to find a niche in the day to fit in regular devotionals. I've never been good at this before and for some reason I thought this time it would be different. It's not. I still put it at the bottom of the list. There's more to add, believe me. But that's probably enough public self-deprication for one post.

I don't want to end on that downer list, look at the name of the post. Remember, I'm in such a good place now. I know I can fix a lot of those issues if I just apply myself to make this one of the best times in my life. It's already a fantastic time based on the amazingness of my children, they are a constant reminder of God's grace in my life. But there is so much more I can do to reflect His grace.

1 comment:

  1. I agree with you on all accounts - even though I have no children. I keep thinking "I need to get myself in gear before we add babies to the picture!" I think I saw my mom as the perfect stay at home mom (because she was all I knew) and I feel the pressure to be just as perfect as I thought she was. A reality check is in order... So is some discipline! :)
    I love the blogs where you share your heart. Thank you for the honesty!! It makes me love you even more.