15 years - That's half of my life!

Stanton and I started dating on this date when we were both just 15. You can read about how it all went down here. And read me gushing about our relationship here. But this year in early August, I can officially celebrate being with my husband for half of my life. I still can't believe it. Most people won't be able to say that until their late 40's or early 50's. And when we get that old, we'll be able to claim spending over 2/3 of our lives together. But for now, I am getting close to passing the mark where I can say I've spent a majority of my life with Stanton.That warms my heart to think about.

It's not just about us being together for that long though, we've experienced a lot of things together, grown up together, and we have made a lot of memories together. We don't just finish each others sentences, we have the same crazy thoughts at the same time. And as much as I dislike it sometimes I can get in his head (it's a scary place) and know exactly what he is thinking. And he can do the same with me.

Over the past few months he has shown just how much he loves me. It turns out that when you are diagnosed with brain cancer, suddenly everyone just wants to tell you and show you how much they love you. But I had no idea how much Stanton truly loved me until I saw his reaction to me being severely sick. I used to ask him all the time (literally I would ask him at least once a day) "Do you love me?" or "How much do you love me?" I don't let those words come out of my mouth any more. Because I am secure in the love that my husband has for me. I don't even say "I love you more", because I don't think that it is true. From dealing with just the sheer amount of emotional drain that my diagnosis put on him, to helping me bathe, to making sure all the bills were paid, to researching my specific type of cancer and studying hard to know what is best, Stanton has exhibited his love in so many wonderful and deep ways, I feel blessed to have him by my side.

Long time, no type...

So it's Fat Tuesday and after promising to blog more, I got hung up on one post and just couldn't get past it. I will go back and complete that post later, because it was the post for Chaselyn's third birthday. I have done so much since my last post, went to Disney World, learned that 2 of my very best friends are pregnant, celebrated Christmas in my own home for the first time ever, saw a marked decrease in the size of my tumor, and had great times just hanging out with the kids. Speaking of kids, have you seen my kids lately? They are huge! And doing more and more amazing things everyday!

And that is my handsome husband with my little sweeties. We got them "Lady and the Tramp" for Valentines day and this is how they watched it...snuggled up on the couch, under the hog blanket. Jacob didn't last too long he doesn't have the patience for a movie, but Chaselyn snuggled her Daddy to sleep.

I love being home and having the opportunity to see little moments like these throughout the day. Most of the time the good stuff far outweighs the bad. There are those days full of poopy  diapers, screaming matches, and toy stealing where I get flustered, but overall I think I'm doing OK.

As far as the cancer goes, we've settled into a routine and will stick with this routine for the foreseeable future. I have a 28 day cycle where I take chemo pills for the first 5 days and then I'm off for the other 23. I've been trying to implement a low glycemic diet too as suggested by a nutritional oncologist. But I found that there weren't a lot of good snack options for me. So I would have a hard time eating a full meal, especially the week after chemo, and I would hardly eat anything at all. So we figured out for the 5 days I take the chemo, I can only have meat and vegetables throughout the day and then at night when I take my pills I can eat anything, especially sugar. The idea in doing this, according to the nutritional oncologist, is to starve the cancer cells so that they get really hungry and then when I take the chemo and eat the sugar, the cancer cells try to eat the sugar and end up munching on the chemo too. For the week immediately following my chemo I allow myself to have anything I want as long as I keep eating. Then I transition back to the low glycemic index diet for the last 2 weeks. Then start all over again. I get my brain scanned every 2 months. When I went in January, the scan showed a decrease in the size of the tumor and a thinning of the tumor walls. Praise the Lord!

So I'm back. Again. And this time it won't be so easy to get rid of me! I've given up FaceBook for lent. And have committed to reading the Bible more and blogging more. So now that I've made it public, I have to do it.

Thankful days 16 - 21

Day 16 - Chaselyn Today is Chaselyn's third birthday. That's why I was kind of nostalgic in the post yesterday. My little girl is 3. Can you believe it? Three years ago we were a couple, but Chaselyn made us a family. So special! I am so proud of her. She's simply incredible. She speaks in full complete sentences and with purpose. She's a loving sister (sometimes a little too much). She has an awesome memory (this scares me sometimes). She sings the best songs (both real and made up). She is very inquisitive (this too scares me a bit). She is creative. She's amazingly well dressed. She is absolutely the most beautiful, most intelligent, most entertaining little 3 year old.

I love my sweet little girl and I thank God for blessing me with her 3 years ago.
 
Day 17 - ability to drive
Day 18 - The holidays
Day 19 - food, family, and football
Day 20 - my childhood
Day 21 - rain and cooler weather

Days 12 - 15

Day 12- I was thankful for being so blessed that we could ask our friends to donate a toy in honor of Chaselyn's birthday instead of having more stuff.

Day 13 - I was thankful for my mother-in-law Debbie. She raised an amazing son. She has supported our relationship since day one. She has been uber-helpful since my diagnosis. And it was her birthday.

Day 14 - I was thankful for the simplicity of balloons bringing so much joy to my children's faces.

Day 15 - Today I am thankful for tiny blessings that start out as a feeling, then a heartbeat, then little flutters, then kicks, then they come into the world in all of God's glory. It is amazing. And I'm honored to be called Mommy by two of the most precious babies in God's creation.

A hint for tomorrow's post: Cake

***Originally the hint for tomorrow was a 3. This resulted in a flurry of texts from 2 very excited and concerned friends wondering if I was pregnant. I assured them that it would be very ill-advised to even think of things of that nature. So if you did see my post in those few minutes before I changed it, and you too were either concerned or excited, I apologize.***

Day 11

I've been waiting for-ev-er to write this post. Today I am thankful for MaryAnn, more familiarly known as MA. I love MA. She's my bestie. I'm not really sure when our friendship blossomed. MA says she can remember the first day she saw me, I don't remember. Our friendship evolved over doorway conversations about her amazing daughter, tasty things to eat, and the occasional conversation about statistics. Then once we realized we shared a common devotion to God and our families our conversations got a little more intimate. She entrusted me with her most prized possessions, Caroline, and I knew I was in.

She was there for me when I was tired of working. She was there for me when I just needed a quick laugh. She was there for me through 2 pregnancies. She was there for me during the transition time between student and grown-up. And even though she's a few 100  miles away, she's still there for me. She's always been there when I need her. She can just tell when something is off. She knows me. She gets me.

I've never had a friend like MA before, and I don't think I ever will again. So, I'm just gonna keep her.

Day 10

Today I am thankful for a little devotional book called "Jesus Calling". This book was given to me by another church family member on my first trip back to church AD (after diagnosis). Since then I have relied on this book to get me out of my funk. The book is written from Jesus' perspective and it's as if He's talking to you. Now, I'm not saying that the words are from God, but I do feel they are inspired words. And it's kind of scary how it always seems to fit the problems I'm facing. I highly recommend this little book.

Day 9

Today I am thankful for the nurse figuring out she could get the blood she needed from a finger prick.